"I shouldn't have had them." ...It's such a huge thing to admit. And perhaps it was only a fleeting regret. Or perhaps it wasn't...
These were the words spoken by a friend of writer SA Jones, which led her to write a very interesting guest post for the Kill Your Darlings journal website. It raises the "taboo subject" of feeling regret at having children.
If you can snatch yourself a few moments to check it out, it's worth reading on through the comments, where readers have cited some stunning poems on the theme of maternal ambivalence...
5 comments:
Isn't it fascinating that the title of this journal gave your kids nightmares when the article (and its great follow-up comments) don't mention the very same thing your son thought it meant. Interesting that no one has yet commented on the 'ultimate taboo' of neonaticide particularly in light of the recent case of Keli Lane who did actually kill her children and the fascinating article in The Age this weekend. I found it intriguing to read that the idea of a primal maternal/parental instinct exists within us to a greater or lesser degree, and in some cases not enough to prevent a parent actually killing their own child. Did you see that article?
No, I didn't see that article -- will have to find it!
It's funny you mention that, though, because I started a para on the 'Kill Your Darlings' link (something like: "Better not let Griffin see this or he really will think I was reading a manual on how to top him and his sister..." but thought it might be in bad taste, as clearly the writers' friend was talking about regret rather than an urge to kill her children.
That said, I agree! The maternal/paternal instinct is a fascinating phenomenon. So obviously necessary for the continuation of the human race! And for our own individual sanity within what is otherwise such a tough job. You can understand that if that primal urge to love and protect wasn't there, parenting could be quite unbearable.
Without a mentally sexy dad around I might have killed my darlings or myself long ago... or at least lost my marbles. Still haven't worked out this writing / mothering / housework lark. Glad you're keeping it on the agenda!
Don't worry guys it only lasts for about 20 odd years and then you find yourself on the precipice of being childless again and they pretty much take care of themselves (except that you spend your day without them worrying about them driving out to a country town to visit their paternal grandparents!)
PS. Alison I've been doing this as a single parent for 16 years and I still haven't managed to balance all three (well 4 when you count my full time job teaching to support the family and the mortgage)- I often favour dropping the housework. But I have to say that I am thankful that I've never experienced regret at having had them.
Twenty years, Red Hen?!! We still have one in nappies. I told her I'll give her until she's eighteen, no more - and you should see the house. Er, actually, you shouldn't...
Never regretted having them; I just want two lives: one for them, one for me. I'm looking forward to having number two at school this year!
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